I Am the Monster
On Epstein and Me
I spent years living a double life, partaking in secrecy, compartmentalization, and exploitation. I carried a public identity that bore no resemblance to what I was doing in the dark.
The moment the Monster came to light in 2019, I already knew that the monster was Me.
I know what it is to separate who I believed I was from what I was actually doing.
It’s easy to condemn the crime. It’s harder to ask which part of it exists in me, which parts of me contribute to it and enable it.
It’s easy to condemn child sacrifice. It’s harder to ask which parts of me sacrifice inner children and outer children, our children and others, in the name of something greater.
The way out is not outrage, it is ownership. Because outrage without ownership is just another mask.
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I agree. The path to healing gets blocked when we use all our energy to condemn each other.
Habibi, don’t be so hard on yourself. I don’t know what you did, but I somehow doubt it was as bad as all that.
Yes, we all have a monster inside, and we all do things we wish we hadn’t. Sometimes quite bad things.
But I think it’s important not to overstate. Because that collapses every misdeed into one, and it’s naciera more than it reveals.
You feel terribly guilty about something. Don’t t let it drown everything else out.
My two cents.